I am not a soccer fan. However, I am a sports fan, and I’ve watched football, hockey, baseball, and basketball evolve over the years to become more entertaining and fan friendly. After one week of watching World Cup matches, I have a few humble suggestions to help soccer reach its full potential.
1. Get Rid of the Offside Rule
Half the goals seem to be erased because someone’s shoelace wandered three inches too far forward. In an already low-scoring sport, taking goals off the board feels like a strange business model. The best play in American football is the 60-yard bomb. Nobody cares whether the receiver got to the end zone before the ball did. If the ball ends up in the net, let the people celebrate.
2. Adopt Basketball’s Backcourt Rule
Once the ball crosses midfield, it can’t go backward. Enough of the endless retreating, recycling, and passing back to the goalie. Fans came to watch an attack, not a group project on ball possession.
3. Move the Penalty Kick Back
Move penalty kicks to the 18-yard box. As it stands, stopping a penalty kick requires roughly equal parts skill, luck, and divine intervention. Most saves happen because the goalie guesses correctly. Let’s make it more of a contest and less of a coin flip.
4. Add a Penalty Box
A yellow card should mean time in the penalty box. Different infractions could carry different penalties: five minutes for a routine foul, ten minutes for a dangerous trip or reckless challenge. The power play is one of hockey’s greatest inventions. Why not borrow a little excitement? Soccer could use a few more moments where everyone in the stadium collectively loses their minds.
5. Penalize Flopping
If a player is caught flopping, give him a yellow card. Fans are tired of watching a player appear to suffer a career-ending injury, require immediate medical attention, and then sprint 40 yards two minutes later to score a goal. If Hollywood wants that level of acting, they should have to pay royalties.
6. Stop the Clock
Get rid of the mysterious added time. If a player gets hurt, stop the clock. If a goal is scored and the team spends three minutes celebrating like they just landed on Mars, stop the clock. Ninety minutes should mean ninety minutes, not ninety-plus-whatever-the-referee-feels-like-today.
7. Pull the Goalie
A team down by one goal with two minutes left should pull the goalie and add another attacker. Hockey fans know this creates chaos, panic, desperation, and entertainment—the four pillars of great sports viewing. Sure, it may lead to an easy goal for the other team, but fortune favors the bold.
8. Improve the TV Coverage
Add more overhead cameras so viewers can actually see plays develop. Half the time the ball disappears into a crowd and we’re left guessing whether the match is still being played. And while we’re making improvements, one official timeout per half wouldn’t hurt. It would give broadcasters a break, fans a chance to refill snacks, and everyone an opportunity to remember where they left the remote.
These are just a few ideas to help this struggling sports institution get its footing and charge boldly into the future. After all, soccer only has billions of fans worldwide. Clearly, it’s one or two rule changes away from finally making it big.
H O W A R D S B E N D 