Not only do we Americans finally get what we have been waiting for these past 150 years, a new 100,000 square foot ballroom, but we also get a new and viable revenue stream that will help to finance the government through future government shutdowns. The Administration has already received a staggering number of banquet reservations, promising to keep the new ball room booked through Trump’s third term.
The new White House East Wing Ballroom will feature a lavish interior with capacity for up to 1,000 people. Renderings show an interior that draws from the grand Baroque-style of the Palace of Versailles, with shining marble floors, intricate gold leaf designs, ornate orange marble columns (to match the color of Trump’s skin), 17 elaborate crystal chandeliers, and a bulletproof glass exterior. What better representative of this administration’s haute culture?
Who’s on board, you ask? The Daughters of the American Revolution were the first group to book the new East Wing Ballroom for their week-long Continental Congress held each June in Washington, D.C. The Convention will include daily tea parties (where they actually drink tea), seminars including Patriotism and Etiquette, and Tracing Your Genealogy back to the Mayflower. The girls are very excited about their new venue and have booked through 2035.
The National Rifle Association quickly jumped into the fray and announced that they will being holding their annual gun show at the new East Wing also for the next 10 years. This year’s theme is the “Keeping Assault Weapons Legal.” The NRA announced that Kid Rock and a case of Bud Lite will be performing at gun show during the event in 2026. Should be a blast!!!
The Proud Boys will convene their annual convention (think Coachella with fewer good vibes) at the new East Wing. The theme of the coming convention is “How to Lose the Battle and Still Declare Victory.” Dress code is camouflage with tactical vests. There will be seminars during the convention including Patriotism for Beginners, Beard Grooming for Intimidation, Techniques of Using a Flagpole as a Weapon, and Selling Tee-Shirts and Bumper Stickers.
The Oath Keepers have marched right down Pennsylvania Avenue from the Capitol to the White House and also booked the new East Wing for their next five annual meetings. This year’s theme is “How to Break the Law and Still Get a Pardon.” Seminars include The Constitution for Dummies, Freedom and the Proper Use of Zip Ties, and How to Use Crypto Currency to Protect Your Assets. Should be a fun week for the Oath Keepers.
In addition to right-wing political groups, many corporations with large and lucrative contracts with the government or companies needing government approvals have lined-up to rent the East Wing for annual events or sales meetings. This includes, of course, all of the major military contractors, the large media conglomerates and the pharmaceuticals looking to extend government contracts. Oh and Tesla is back!!! Tesla announced that the annual Tesla sales meetings will now be held at the new East Wing. Trump has promised Musk that he will be allowed to display the full array of Tesla vehicles on the front lawn of the White House during the sales meeting.
Also, many foreign governments with close ties to the USA are also booking reservations at the new East Wing Ballroom. Saudi Arabia has committed to hold the next three weddings for MBS at the new East Wing Ballroom. Each wedding promises to be bigger and more elaborate than the previous one. Argentina has guaranteed to rent space each year for the next 10 years at the new Ballroom as this arrangement was tied to the $40 billion bailout of their currency by the USA. Israel has booked the Ballroom for the bar mitzvah of Netanyahu’s grandson and the Bris of his future great grandson. Israel agreed to book the Ballroom as part of the ceasefire negotiation. Pakistan has also booked the Ballroom for a week at a time over the next five years; although they do not have a specific event to host there, they just want to keep in Trump’s good favor.
In summary Trump thinks the new East Wing Ballroom will make Washington DC the center of high culture in the world just as Paris was in the 18th century and Vienna in the 19th century. The truth is, though, that all Trump has created is a gaudy, over-aggrandized renovated ballroom at the Holiday Inn in Washington, DC.
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