H O W A R D S B E N D

I am a devout atheist. I started having doubts about the Almighty and His grand plan in my early teens as I started seeing the world as chaotic, unfair and destructive. This all came to a head as I watched my aunt, who was a very kind and gentle person and a nurse by trade, die a horribly slow and painful death with her battle with cancer. Throw in the Vietnam War, famine, drought and starvation and I could no longer believe in a Devine Order. I haven’t changed my views on the subject since I was 16.

In the mid-1970s after college, I went on one of those existential trips to Europe with no itinerary, no timetable and no suitcase and very little money. My means of travel was hitchhiking and after a while, I became quite proficient in this form of travel (there is a definite technique to succeed with this kind of transportation, but that is for another essay). I had been traveling about 8 months by myself going city to city, staying at youth hostels and meeting temporary companions along the way with whom I would visit the local sightseeing attractions or share in local meals. I missed the deeper bonds of a good friendship, so I called a friend back in the States who I knew would be embarking on a similar trip in a month so and suggested that we meet up and travel some together. We agreed two months in advance to meet on a Sunday in mid June 1976 at 6:00 PM in Paris in front of Notre Dame.

This was 1976. So after that phone call, I had absolutely no way to get in touch with him as there were no cell phones and neither he nor I had a fixed itinerary. I happened to be in Amsterdam the week before that fateful Sunday. I saw that Paris was a little over 300 miles away and decided to get on the road by 10:00 AM for this 6-hour drive (I was feeling pretty good about my hitchhiking skills only to need a two-hour cushion). I am not sure how I got out of the city and made it to the highway A-1 or A-10 or something like that, but I do remember looking at my watch and thinking I was in good shape. After a few minutes on the highway with my thumb out, I was amazed that there was no traffic. I was out there all alone. There was NO traffic at all! It was as if the world was in the midst of a horrible pandemic (this might be an anachronism).

I was standing waiting all alone on this abandoned highway when suddenly I saw a old, beat-up VW van approaching. I was confident that I am on my way. The van stopped, of course, and I was invited in. The van was inhabited by 6 hippy-looking individuals aged somewhere between late teens and mid-twenties and they all spoke English quite well, however with that little Dutch accent. I asked how far they are going and they told me that they are headed to a religious festival in Breda which is only a little more than an hour away and still in the Netherlands. Of course they were very interested in an American about their age and I was bombarded with a series of questions about the Vietnam War, popular American music bands, the extermination of the American Indian population during the American expansion West and then on to religion. They were fascinated that I am Jewish, but no longer a believer. They asked my opinion of Jesus and I answered quite honestly that I had no opinion as I had never really thought about the man, or Savior (dependent on your personal perspective). Oh, they wanted to tell me all about Jesus and all He can do to improve the world and all that He might do to make me a happier and more content individual. I told them that unfortunately I don’t believe, so that it would be hard to just let Jesus into my life. They told me that I needed to “challenge” Jesus so that he could reveal Himself to me. So I said, “OK, I want Jesus to make the world a better place.” They all smiled and said, “No, make it personal so there is no doubt about Jesus’ power to touch your life.” I said OK, this might sound petty, but, “I want Jesus to send me a car after you drop me off that will take me right to Paris and I don’t want to wait more than 10 minutes for that car to come along.” They told me that is “great” and are confident that Jesus will hear my challenge. As we approached their exit, they implored me to come to the festival and learn more about Jesus from all those that will be attending. I politely declined, and then one individual wrote down his address made me promise to send him a note if Jesus answered my challenge. I agreed and got out of the van.

It was now a little after 11:00 AM and the road was still totally abandoned. Not a car in sight. I looked at my watch to begin the 10 minute countdown. After 5 minutes, there were still no cars to be seen. Suddenly, on the horizon a lone car is coming my way. At the 6 minute and 30 second mark of the countdown, the car pulls over and the driver asked where I was going and I said Paris and he said, “Get in, this is your lucky day.” I beat my friend to Notre Dame by an hour.

Well, 46 years later and I still consider myself an atheist, although an atheist with a slight bit of doubt of my convictions. I have thought about this incident several times and have come to the conclusion that for certain individuals or groups of people looking for “meaning” and a “higher purpose”, these “miraculous” events fit their narrative. For example…..it has not rained in many, many days, let’s pray to God for rain…..no rain today, let’s pray again tonight……no rain again, let’s pray again. Finally rain, it’s a miracle. Jesus answers our prayers. Let’s pray grandpop gets better. Grandpop is better, it’s a miracle. Let’s pray that a car comes along on a quiet Sunday morning on a major highway between two major cities during the pinnacle of the “hippy” and “hitchhiking” era and then claim that is a miracle that the car stopped to help out a fellow human being. It is easy to believe that the prayer was answered, but let’s say right after that I immediately prayed to find an envelope with thousands of dollars on the ground right in front of me. I doubt that would have happened and my prayers would not have been answered and I would again doubt religion. We need to pick a prayer that could possibly be answered.

In hindsight, my only regret is that I did not write to the group in the van and let them know that a car did come by within the 10 minute period and take me to Paris. I am pretty confident that I would have been able to deduce their conclusion.

Now is time to jump on this unique opportunity. Close the deal.

As Russia continues it invasion on Ukraine, the world looks to impose severe sanctions on Russia. But, in order to truly cripple the Russian economy, there must be sanctions on Russia oil and gas exports.

Russia’s economy is heavily dependent on fossil fuels, which account for about 60% of the country’s exports. Russia was the world’s third-largest oil producer in 2020, producing over 10 million barrels of oil a day, or 11% of the world’s total, according to the U.S. Energy Information Agency. Russia exports about 5 million barrels a day of crude plus 3 million barrels of refined products. These exports must be shutdown to truly bring down the Russian economy.

Iran is pumping about 2.5 million barrels per day, some 1.3 million barrels per day less than in 2018 when former U.S. President Donald Trump withdrew the United States from the nuclear accord and re-imposed sanctions, drastically cutting Tehran’s oil income. Iran is strongly motivated to have the sanctions lifted. Iran can quickly increase its oil production. This additional production will help offset the loss of Russian oil on the world markets. A Biden administration official claims that the six-month negotiations over the nuclear deal were entering their “final stretch,” though a full agreement that leads to unimpeded Iranian oil exports may not be implemented for months. What is the delay? Both sides should be extremely motivated to get the deal done and the new treaty signed. There should be around-the-clock negotiations until the deal is finalized.” Both the Russians and the Chinese have been negotiating with Iran to make large investments to help Iran achieve an even higher level of oil production. Russia is obviously unable at this time to commit to further investments in Iran. Once the new nuclear deal is finalized, UIS companies should jump in and assist Ian with this expanded oil production.

What is the delay in finalizing this new non nuclear proliferation agreement? We already had a previous deal that worked for all parties involved. Get the deal done.

One might say, “We have a liquidity problem”. A recent government report shows in the USA there is between $1.5 and $2 trillion more liquidity in personal accounts than there was at the start of the pandemic in early 2020.

There are several reasons for this build-up of liquidity over the past two years. First, there was the lockdown in the early phases of the pandemic and most people stayed at home and continued to work drawing a salary with no way to significantly spend this earned money. Even as restrictions were loosened, there were still not the opportunities to spend money shopping or on travel and or on other social activities. In addition, in March 2020, the federal government passed the CARES Act which provided $600 billion to small business to keep them afloat and to help them maintain there current payroll. These funds eventually made it to individuals with the same restriction on spending. CARES, also the Federal Pandemic Unemployment Compensation program (FPUC), provided an additional $600 per week to individuals who were collecting regular state funded unemployment insurance. All thee factors pumped up personal savings. And finally, the Federal Reserve pumped several trillion dollars into the economy through Quantitative Easing by which the Fed prints money to go out into the market to buy bonds from big institutions for cash pumping this additional money into the economy, some eventually makes into personal bank accounts.

We are now at the point where the pandemic is winding down and individuals are ready to go out and spend to and make up for lost time. However, the economy is plagued with shortages of all kinds of items as factories let their inventory rundown during the pandemic and are now finding it difficult to ramp up as they are having trouble getting parts and materials needed for their manufacturing process. These factories are having trouble finding employees to work in their plants. Transportation is also plagued with all kinds of labor shortages so items are not getting to and from manufacturing locations. This is the supply-side issues we hear are plaguing the economy.

So, we are at a point of heightened demand with supply shortages. As we all learned in school when demand exceeds supply prices will rise. It is now time to take money out of the economy to ease some of this excess demand without hurting the economy. The traditional rate hikes instituted by the Federal Reserve make it more expensive for businesses to borrow driving up their cost and eventually raising prices to compensate. This hike in interest rates is intended tp slow the economy. Higher rates slow the housing markets as mortgage rates rise. Housing growth is a key part of our economic growth. Thus, Federal Reserve rate hikes ease inflation by slowing down the growth of the economy.

I am suggesting a “Quantitative Tightening”. In this scenario, the government offers personal saving bonds at much higher rates than are now available in the market. As a starting point, I might suggest 3% on three year bonds, 5% on five year bonds and something like 7% on a ten year bond and possibly 12% on twenty year bonds. These high personal saving rates will encourage people with large amount of cash in the personal accounts to purchase these bonds. The personal saving rates offered today are so low that people do not commit to long-term saving and instead go out into the marketplace to spend this growing cash account. These high rates hopefully encourage people to save for the future and remove a large portion of the $1.5 to $2 trillion in excess liquidity out of personal savings, lowering demand for goods and thus easing inflationary pressure while having people still fill optimistic about their personal wealth knowing that they are earning a high rate of return on their savings. This should allow for the economy to continue to grow without the inflationary pressures.

This is still your Daddy’s Democratic Party and most likely your Granddaddy’s Democratic Party. This is a party that stills boasts about their New Deal and their Great Society legislation. This is a Party that is being lead by two octogenarians. It is finally time for the Democratic Party to get a complete makeover.

First, let’s give the old “donkey” the boot. I do not think that the next generation of young, engaged, empassioned, motivated voters want to come together under the banner of an old slow, lumbering jackass. The Democratic Party needs a new banner that captures both the energy and the diversity of a party committed to bring changes to this country. I suggest a banner and logo like the picture above which is a group of multi-racial hands enthusiastically waving together. And while we are making basic changes, let’s change the name of the Democratic Party to The Party of Democracy which clearly delineates us from the other guys who are clearly not committed to the basic principles of our Constitutional democracy. Either you are with the Party of Democracy or you are opposed to democracy.

In order to win tfhe 2022 election, the Party of Democracy must rely on three essential constituencies. First, they need young voters to turn out in large numbers. Next they need the block of suburban women that enabled them to capture in the 2020 Presidential election. And of course, they must rely on minority groups especially black and Hispanic voters. The Party of Democracy will need simple and precise policies and programs that motivate these groups to the pools in 2022.

The Party of Democracy must stop promoting election platforms that rely on spending gargantuan sums of money promising to bring about generational reforms. This strategy in not working. The opposition easily paints these programs as “rampant socialism” which will obviously raise everyone’s taxes and lead to more amd more DC bureaucracies. The Build Back Better legislation clearly falls into this category. The Party of Democracy needs a few simple campaign issues for the 2022 midters which seem realistic and very attainable and will motivate voters.

First, the Party of Democracy should stand for the national legalization of marijuana. It is time. There will be federal taxes on the sale of this item and the federal revenues will be targeted for a brand new “Civilian Conservation Core”. This Civilian Core will be available to anyone 18 to 25 years old and perform conservation work throughout the nation’s forests and perform clean-up and enhancement work in the nation’s urban area.

The new Party of Democracy will immediately pass legislation that guarentees equal pay for women as men in the same job. Again, it is time. This legislation will be passed in the first 30 days of the new Congress. The Party of Democracy will also support a “woman’s right of choice.”

The new Congress will also pass new DACA legislation establishes DACA for new applicants and also establishes for the Dreamers, those currently living under DACA status, a clear path to citizenship. This is another simple policy issue whose time has come.

The current Congress has failed to protect individual rights to vote as many states have passed legislation that makes it harder for minority populations to have access the ballot box. Also, many states are passing legislation that does not guarentee that the winner of the po;ular vote in that state will be awarded the proper set of elecorals to go tothe Electoral College. The new Congress will make it a top priority to protectthe integrity of our elections and to make the ballot box assessible to anyone wishing to vote.

This is very simplistic, but we will be running against a party that has no policy agendas and does not even chose to the promote the integrity of our political process. Let’s keep it simple and win both the House and Senate in 2022.

The NFL just took and unexpected hit and fumbled the ball. Will they be able to recover the fumble and run with the ball, or will they let the opposition bounce on this opportunity and go on the offensive?

The analytics do not look good. There are 32 NFL teams and only one black head coach equating to about 3% for a league that in 2020 was made up of almost 60% black players. The Rooney Rule which requires teams searching for a new head coach to interview minority applicants is obviously not working. There is no incentive and obviously no punishment for not hiring a minority head coach.

Here is an idea. Draft picks are so valuable in the NFL where careers are short and injuries pervasive. Draft picks are referred to as “assets”. These assets are essential to both good teams hoping to maintain their high level of achievement as well as to the average and mediocre teams looking to get back on the winning trail. The NFL Draft Day is almost a national holiday as the fate of teams and the fate of their respective cities rely on how well their teams do on selecting players on the day. The shrewd general managers are known for accumulating extra picks which potentially will help their team succeed in coming years.

There are 32 teams in the NFL with the worse team drafting first. Beginning with the 2023 NFL, there will be a special tier in the draft. After the 16th pick in the first round, any team with a minority coach will get an extra pick. At this time, only the Pittsburgh Steelers will get an extra pick, the 17th pick in the 2023 draft. If more than one team has a minority coach, the length of tenure will determine the higher draft pick…thus a team with a minority coach for 3 years will draft higher than a team with a minority coach that has worked for two years. All teams with minority coaches will get draft choices before the draft reverts back to its traditional sequencing.

The tier of draft choices will be determined by the percentage of minority coaches in the league. If after a few years there is still only a single minority coach, this drafting tier can be moved to the top of the draft board such that a team with a minority coach will get the first pick in the draft. If this revised structure has a more positive outcome, the special tier can be moved to the end of the first round. The goal is to have the percentage of minority coaches match the number of minority players in the league. Hopefully at this point, the NFL will be able to end these special draft provisions.

There is a handoff to Najee Harris.  He goes left around the end, sprints to the sideline, outruns the defense and scores his third touchdown for the Crimson Tide.  Najee Harris walks into the voting booth, signs in at the registry and asks for a ballot.  He is told he cannot vote because he does not have a valid voter ID.  There’s a long pass to Devonta Smith. He leaps over two defenders, pulls in the pass and races 40 yards for another TD for the Crimson Tide of Alabama.  Devonta Smith mails in his absentee ballot, but it is passed into the waste basket because he does not have the photo ID properly notarized. 

Over 150 million people voted for President in 2020 which is about 20 million more people than the total vote count of 2016.  And yet, instead of celebrating the triumph of our electoral system and rejoicing in the broadening of the electoral base, Republicans have already introduced 120 proposed laws in 28 different states to limit and restrict voter participation.   The Republicans know they cannot win elections with a large voter turnout, and they are acutely aware that the 2022 election is just around the corner.  The Supreme Court will soon heat a case of attempted voter suppression in Arizona that could shape the future of voting rights for decades. Voter suppression is an issue that must be addressed immediately, as the Democrats hold only paper-thin margins in both the House and Senate, and the suppression of votes in 2022 just might be enough to give the Republicans both branches of Congress once again. 

We need a strategy that will  immediately challenge these latest attempts at voter suppression primarily in Southern states. Most of these voter suppression laws require voters to show state-issued photo ID at the polls.  These voter ID cards are often issued at DMV offices, and many states have closed many of these offices, making it difficult for people without cars or other means of transportation to get their IDs.  Many states have laws preventing people formerly convicted of a felony from voting, despite the fact that some of these individuals have already completed their prison sentences.  States are also removing people from the voting registry without informing them, based on a misspelling of a name, or a residential address that may have changed but was not officially submitted.  All of these attempts are designed to remove minorities from the voting ranks, because minorities generally vote more Democratic than the general population.

Here is my simple solution to voter suppression in these states – convince young super athletes of color to refuse to matriculate in colleges and universities within those states that have voter suppression laws.  Alabama has six National Football Championships since 2009.  Clemson, located in South Carolina which just reelected Lindsay Graham to the Senate despite his supporting of Trump’s racist policies, has made four appearances in the National Championship and winning two of these.  The other collegiate football powerhouses are the University of Georgia, Arkansas, LSU, University of Texas and Texas A&M.  The list of Southern schools with big-time sports programs should also include University of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. Look at the rosters of these teams and you will see a very high percentage of minorities.  These big football schools draw 70,000 to 100,000 people per game and generate a lot of revenue for both the college and the communities.  These winning teams also create a state identity that goes well beyond the student population.  Ordinary blue collar people who never went to college identify with their Crimson Tide and they love their team.  What would happen if these teams fell to mediocracy and could no longer compete with the likes of Notre Dame or Penn State or USC?  What would happen if Alabama lost to the University of Michigan by 40 points?  I would also include in this program, universities with big-time basketball programs in states that engage in voter suppression.  We must convince the super athletes to avoid matriculating at colleges in these states.  This list should include the University of Tennessee and both the University of Florida and Florida State, Arizona and Arizona State and of course, the University of Kentucky. 

Recently, many athletes took a knee for social justice.  I am now suggesting that they take a stand against systemic racism and voter suppression.  We need a movement that convinces super star high school athletes to boycott these universities.  Instead of heading to the University of Alabama, take your running back talents to UCLA.  Instead of leading a fast break for for the University of Tennessee, help lead Boston College to the Big Dance.  Of course, the word must get out and the movement needs a highly respected and reputable organization to lead this drive in order to succeed.  I am suggesting that the NAACP work with already successful professional athletes to endorse this policy and get involved in seeking out blossoming high school super-stars on a grand scale and convince them that they are bringing about important social change. How about Lebron stopping by the home of a young athlete and suggesting Ohio State over ASU?  How about Lamar Jackson visiting high school athletes’ homes and pushing the University of Oregon or USC instead of pushing his alma mater University of Louisville.  By choosing to take their talents to a university in a state that does not have these voter restriction laws, these young athletes will become a force leading to improvements to the social equality in our country.  The sacrifice for the young athlete are minimal, but the results can be outstanding and immediate.

The drop in top talent in these large universities should result in a quick drop-off in the performance of these sports teams.  I am convinced that the people of these states are more concerned with the performance of their sport teams than they are about the racial make-up of the state’s electorate or elected bodies.  The people of Alabama care more about the success of the Crimson Tide than of who occupies the White House.  I believe that a successful boycott of these schools will result in the very quick reversal of these voter suppression laws.   Such a simple solution to a social wrong.  It would be nice if other social injustices could be attacked with such simple solutions.  

1. The evening news now stinks.  It is unwatchable with all these kumbaya moments – the first gay Secretary of Transportation is confirmed; a 110 year old man who wants to go on his honeymoon with his new bride gets his Covid vaccination; cute and adorable Hispanic babies are smiling as they illegally enter our country.  We haven’t seen Rudy with his hair color running down his face in almost three weeks.  Can the 24 hour news channels make it without Trump?

2.  The country still wants to see Trump’s tax returns.  If it means that he has to be in office for another 4 or 8 or even 12 years, we do not care.  We started the process, let’s see it to the end.  How much money have the Russians lent Trump to get that type of influence over him? 

3.  Who wants to physically go back to work?  Who wants to get stuck in rush hour traffic every day?  How about being choked for 10 hours every day wearing that stupid tie?  We love working in our pajamas.  Trump must be returned to office to keep this good thing going.. 

4. “Jews will replace us.”  I am not sure what that even means, but I heard those white supremacists chanting it in Charlottesville.  I am Jewish and I still don’t want any Jews replacing me.  With Trump in office, the Jews will not replace us.

 5. The military needs Trump.  The military budget under Trump was about $738 billion was expected to get close to $800 billion in the couple of years.  Joe Biden and his socialistic allies in Congress will cut the defense budget significantly.  Can Raytheon withstand these cuts?  Will General Dynamics have to cut their dividend?   Will the Chinese win the weapons race in space?  Will LBGT generals have the courage to defend this country against foreign invaders?  

6.  Trump has really been good at uniting the minorities in this country giving them a shared identity and cause.  Back 2016 blacks were not united about Hillary Clinton.  Four years later, the black community found a common cause to vote almost 100% against Trump.  The Hispanics need another four years of midnight ICE raids, or another four years of family separations, or another four years of limbo for the DACA community to get 100% behind the next Democratic presidential ballot.  

7 .Learning science is no fun and to a large extent a waste of time unless you are going be a geek scientist.  With Trump back in office, kids will not be required to study biology, chemistry and physics.  We all hated that science requirement in our college curriculum.\

8  Golf is finally making a resurgence.  For many years, the sport of golf was suffering a slow death as membership at golf clubs dropped and golf courses were sold off to real estate developers.  Finally, we have a president that loves to golf and promoted golf, especially as it is the perfect sport for the pandemic with its social distancing.  Golf is finally back and now we have a lame Joe Biden riding his heavy duty bike around the neighborhood.

9.  The bird population of this country might be in extreme danger if Trump is not re-instated as President as he has made America aware that windmills kill birds.  Joe Biden and his green energy policies will decimate the bird population.  Windmills are also a cause of cancer. 

10. We are finally safe from Islamic terrorists as the “Muslim ban” has kept these terrorists out of our country.  Do we want to go back to the days when we were constantly scared of a terrorist bomb going off on our streets? 

The raging pandemic persists.  We receive constant reminders from the news that the “worst is still to come”.  We are told to stay home, if at all possible.  Flying has become taboo, as no one wants to breath re-cycled air for five hours.  People are scared to venture too far from home and do not want to put themselves in compromising situations.  Foreign travel is banned.  I have always loved vacations and particularly traveling an so I have tried to design several vacations that are safe during the pandemic and not that difficult to make happen.  No passport is required.

We always loved visiting Jamaican with the combination of the sun, the beach, the food and the local culture.  I have designed the “Jamaican Getaway for right in your own home.  First turn-up the thermostat in your home to 94 degrees during the day and then lower it to 85 degrees for the evenings.  Tune Pandora to the Bob Marley station and make sure it blasts loudly through out the house.  Place several tanning lights around the house to bring in the Caribbean sun while also re-creating that fear of contracting skin cancer while enjoying your vacation in the sun.  Make sure there is plenty of rum in the house, must have both white rum and brown rum and make sure you have plenty of pineapples, strawberries and oranges for those rum runners.  Fire up the BBQ and get the spices for the local favorite jerk chicken for lunch.  Don’t be shy about having it for both lunch and dinner.  And finally, when talking to each other, finish each sentence with “mon”.  

If you have recently been to Jamaica try a  Mexican vacation.  Please use the same thermostat settings as in the previous section.  Turn the cable to the Telemundo and get an app to learn the Spanish language so that you will be able to ask your family members in Spanish for another Corona or where the bathroom is located.  Go out and buy a piñata and drink plenty of Tequila.  Create a celebration in order to smash that piñata to smithereens.  Invite your landscaping crew over(even though it is still January)  for an afternoon of Margaritas and tacos.  For those who want to add to the cultural experience, take a ride to Home Depot at 6:00 AM and enjoy you compatriots in their manual, underpaid jobs.  Put Taco Bell and Chipotle on the speed dial as you will need plenty of authentic Mexican foods.  For those that do not want to cross the border and venture into Mexico, but still love that Southwest/Mexican culture how about a vacation to that great state of Texas?  The guidelines for this trip are very close to the Mexican trip outlined above.  I would just play country music very loud on the stereo and maybe substitute chili dogs and some BBQ ribs for the Mexican meals.  Just yell “Remember the Alamo” and “Go Longhorns” several times a day.

How about a simple camping trip without the need to drive hours to a remote campsite in the mountains only to share bathroom and commissary with potentially infected strangers.  Just pitch the tent right in the backyard.  No need to scour through the neighborhood for wood for the campsite, just roll the BBQ grill from the patio to the backyard.  Don’t worry about forgetting to pack the catchup or mustard for those grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, they are both right there in the kitchen. Need a scary campfire story.  Bring the I-PAD and turn on “Scream” or “Saw” both of which are guaranteed to keep the little ones up way past their bedtime.   Enjoy your night under the stars and if not, you can always head back to the house and your comfortable king-sized bed..

Las Vegas has become the quick get-away for many of us.  Now we can experience Las Vegas right in our own homes.  First pull down all the shades and blinds so the house is completely dark and turn the air conditioning to 62 degrees to simulate the casino atmosphere.  Pour your favorite drink and make sure to add plenty of water re-create that water-downed casino cocktail.  Then, go to your favorite betting website and gamble away – black jack, roulette, poker craps are all available on this website.  At 10:00 PM, take a break from gambling and turn on an old Wayne Newton tape one night, or watch an old David Copperfield video the next night, or find an old Elvis video of The King on the Strip.  Make sure to return to gambling and stay until 4:00 AM.  Don’t forget that everyone is a winner.

How about a European Wine Tour?  This is one of my favorite pandemic vacations.  Start with joining one of the many online wine clubs.  These wines are generally delicious and very reasonably priced.  Begin your tour by ordering Greek wines to be delivered on Monday.  Find the appropriate foods to go with your particular country wine.  For Greece you can have Greek salads, moussaka, lamb in grape leaves all complemented by your favorite Greek wines.  On Tuesday, have the wines from Italy delivered and have spaghetti, lasagna, or veal cacciatore ready to go with your Italian wines.  Finish the week with wines from France, Spain and Portugal again plan the appropriate meals from the particular country where the wine originated from.  You can return to the USA  for some good California wines a fabulous Omaha steak and and Idaho baked pot

For the more adventurous traveler, I might suggest a tour of the Far East.  Start the week off with a visit to your local Buddhist Temple.  Spend some peaceful moments cleansing the soul and striving toward perfection.  I suggest sushi for lunch after the visit to the temple.  The next day, go to your local China Town and try hanging out at a local Asia supermarket market.  You will be able to spend hours trying to figure out what are these different monstrosities and asking yourself  how do people really eat them.  If you still have an appetitive after the supermarket, try some Chinese food.  Have some shark fin soup and Peking duck.  The next day watch “Crazy Rich Asians and then head to the mall for a quick massage – only a dollar per minute for a excellent massage.  Have some Thai cuisine for dinner.  Dig out that Slum Dog Millionaire DVD and let’s tour India.  Of course, finish off the day with a samosa and chicken tikka marsala with coconut custard for dessert, or the real desert might be flipping through the Kama Sutra with a very close and limber partner.

For those that lack the imagination and energy to plan and organize your own “pandemic” vacation, there is always the virtual tour.  There is virtual reality system from Oculus for only $299.  For the cost of one fine meal (with a somewhat heavy bar tab), you can tour the ancient pyramids in Egypt, scuba dive at the Great Barrier Reef, tour of the Louvre or go on an African safari right from the couch your living room.  Buckle up and enjoy.

1. Absolute Trump – Enjoy a new brand of vodka made in the style of traditional Russia vodka.  This is the vodka favored by the most rich and powerful oligarchs. This high quality and expensively tasting vodka can be secured at a price that a deeply devalued ruble makes very affordable.  Absolute Trump goes perfectly with Trump Caviar which can be purchased at most of your favorite supermarkets. 

2. Opti Tax Con – Do you owe the IRS  millions of dollars?  Do you resent the IRS asking to see your current tax return?  Are you receiving harassing phone calls threatening to repossess your yachts or vacation homes.  Stop worrying.  Call Opti Tax Con and let us handle your disputes with the IRS.  Let us set up bogus foundations which will generate millions of dollars of tax deductions while letting you enjoy the fruits of your hard earned passive income.  Let us set up off-shore tax havens that will let you hide millions and millions of dollars giving you and your family a way to avoid those annoying inheritance taxes.   Why pay any taxes when ex-presidents worth billions of dollars pay only $750 annually in taxes?  We can help you. 

3. Trump Light – Try our new brand of cigarettes that deliver a full body taste with less tar and nicotine than the average cigarette.  Have a Trump Light before a siege on a federal building or enjoy a Trump Light while relaxing and counting casualties after the armed insurrection.  Trump Light is the preferred smoke of MAGA Nation.  Do not believe the Fake News about cigarette smoking being bad for your health.  In fact, the Surgeon  General’s warning has been removed from the carton.  And the idea about getting ill from secondary smoke is again totally false and just as silly as getting Covid from a drinking buddy.  Enjoy the freedom of a good smoke.

4. Trumps Not Nice and Not Easy – Want to open a few doors to you in the corporate world?  Want to get ahead in the Republican Party?  Try Trump’s “Not Nice and Not Easy” which is a new hair coloring product which is so easy to use that even our ex-President could color his own hair almost by himself.  The company is currently offers a single color, a rusty shade of orange which is the only color you need.  With a regular application, you can look like a not-too-distant relative of our former president and visit Mar a Lago without even needing a visitor pas

5. Ashley and Trump Madison – Been married several times and yet still restless and unsatisfied.  Looking for a discrete rendezvous with a woman who can provide the excitement and the pleasure for which you are secretly yearning.  Do you need a little change of scenery from your pregnant wife.  Visit our new updated website, www.ashleyandtrumpmadison.com (Links to an external site.).  We also provide legal services to those that are being sued or blackmailed by their current spouse.  We are now offering a new service that matches those clients that are seeking beautiful trophy wives from Slovakia.  (All ur women are tested regularly for STDs, although we do not test for Covid). 

6. Don’s Tiki Torches -Going to a white supremacist march and need a tiki torch that will last for hours and not flitter-out while swinging it at the ANTIFA  counter-protestors?  Try Don’s Tiki Torchs which are guaranteed to last throughout those long marches through the streets of Southern towns and is built with extra strength to withstand hand-to-hand combat.  Available in two sizes.

7. Chernobyl Trump Tower – Looking for a change to your current life situation…maybe a new luxury apartment in a new city or maybe just a second home to add some charge yo your life.  Or maybe, you are looking for an investment in real estate that guarantees a high return on your investment.  Contact us immediately about purchasing a new luxury condo in the Chernobyl Trump Tower.  Get in on the ground floor as Chernobyl goes through its re-gentrification and reap the rewards of being an early investor.  The newest Trump tower radiates high class living.

8. Trumpquoroquine –  This is the drug that saved the life of our 45th president and it can also save your life.  Ask your doctor for a prescription to the panacea of so many ailments, and if he/she refuses just contact the world-famous Dr. Stella Immanuel who has been at the forefront in research on the beneficial results of hydroxychloroquine.  Get a prescription right away because this drug is selling like hotcakes.  Keep that prescription bottle in your medicine cabinet for that rainy day.

9. Trump Lie detector –  This machine is a beautiful invention as it can tell fact from fiction.  This new machine will help so many defendants who have been accused of lying.   This is the lie detector that is being used by more and more police departments and law enforcement agencies.  The machine first asks if you are a Democrat or a Republican.  It can from there determine who is telling the truth and who is lying.  We would like to demonstrate the effectiveness our our new machine by asking Hunter Biden a few questions on his involvement with Burisma. 

10.  Trump College (not to be confused with Trump University) – This is a college offering studies in Eastern European culture, history and languages. The primary focus on the program is the Russian nations with offerings in the Russia language.  We offer Russian 1, Russian 2, Russian 3, Russian 4 and advanced language of Russian 5.  We also offer a course on the biography of Vladimir Putin and another course on the the Positive Contribution of Vladimir Putin to the political and economic rise of the Russian Nation.  We have one elective which is called Truth and Fallacy about Catharine the Great.  This course work is ideal for those seeking a mid-level bureaucratic position in the State Department.

DATELINE – DECEMBER 2019 – HOUSE IMPEACHMENT TRIAL

John – Nancy, you are calling me on my phone.  I am shocked.

Nancy – John, how many books do you really expect to sell.  You know the Democrats hate you and and would never buy your book and the few Republicans that can read despise you and also will never buy your book. So how many books are you really going to sell?  I got a plan that will put your book on top of the charts.  You game.

John –   I believe in free enterprise.  Lay it on me.

Nancy –  If we subpoena you to testify in one of the House’s investigating committees, the President will exert executive privilege and block you from testifying.  We can challenge this in court which will take many months and when we win the President’s team will appeal the decision and that will take months and finally the case will make it to the Supreme Court which will take many more months to decide and by then the 2020 election will have come and gone and your book will be irrelevant and you will have only sold a handful of copies.

John – Not too promising.  I admit.

Nancy – However, we can withdraw subpoena and end the impeachment trial without your testimony.  We have enough evidence to impeach the President now.  Now comes the fun part for you as the trail moves to the Senate.  The Republican Senators have already concluded that they do not need witnesses.  Case closed!!  Witnesses are irrelevant.  However, you begin to leak several passages from your book as Republicans make their opening arguments  .You leak to the NY Times and the Washington Post the sections of your book that show the President had direct involvement with the blocking of funds designated for Ukraine.  All of the sudden everyone’s ear perk-up.

John – I like where this is going.

Nancy – The TV media picks up on these leaked passages and promote them on prime-time TV new coverage.  Reporters begin asking all Republican Senators on prime-time  TV if they would like to hear from John Bolton.  Democrats keep insisting that we must hear from John Bolton.  Joe and Mika demand that Republicans hear your testimony.  Rachel Maddow, Chris Cuomo and even Chris Wallace are referencing your book.  All of the sudden you name is all over the news.  You become Rock Star.  People will clamor for your book.  You will sell millions of copies.

John – I like they way you think.

Nancy – You give us the first-hand facts that incriminate the President and will get Mike Bloomberg and Tom Steyer to commit to buy another one million copies each.

John – Who says that there is no money in the truth?