H O W A R D S B E N D

I am a devout atheist. I started having doubts about the Almighty and His grand plan in my early teens as I started seeing the world as chaotic, unfair and destructive. This all came to a head as I watched my aunt, who was a very kind and gentle person and a nurse by trade, die a horribly slow and painful death with her battle with cancer. Throw in the Vietnam War, famine, drought and starvation and I could no longer believe in a Devine Order. I haven’t changed my views on the subject since I was 16.

In the mid-1970s after college, I went on one of those existential trips to Europe with no itinerary, no timetable and no suitcase and very little money. My means of travel was hitchhiking and after a while, I became quite proficient in this form of travel (there is a definite technique to succeed with this kind of transportation, but that is for another essay). I had been traveling about 8 months by myself going city to city, staying at youth hostels and meeting temporary companions along the way with whom I would visit the local sightseeing attractions or share in local meals. I missed the deeper bonds of a good friendship, so I called a friend back in the States who I knew would be embarking on a similar trip in a month so and suggested that we meet up and travel some together. We agreed two months in advance to meet on a Sunday in mid June 1976 at 6:00 PM in Paris in front of Notre Dame.

This was 1976. So after that phone call, I had absolutely no way to get in touch with him as there were no cell phones and neither he nor I had a fixed itinerary. I happened to be in Amsterdam the week before that fateful Sunday. I saw that Paris was a little over 300 miles away and decided to get on the road by 10:00 AM for this 6-hour drive (I was feeling pretty good about my hitchhiking skills only to need a two-hour cushion). I am not sure how I got out of the city and made it to the highway A-1 or A-10 or something like that, but I do remember looking at my watch and thinking I was in good shape. After a few minutes on the highway with my thumb out, I was amazed that there was no traffic. I was out there all alone. There was NO traffic at all! It was as if the world was in the midst of a horrible pandemic (this might be an anachronism).

I was standing waiting all alone on this abandoned highway when suddenly I saw a old, beat-up VW van approaching. I was confident that I am on my way. The van stopped, of course, and I was invited in. The van was inhabited by 6 hippy-looking individuals aged somewhere between late teens and mid-twenties and they all spoke English quite well, however with that little Dutch accent. I asked how far they are going and they told me that they are headed to a religious festival in Breda which is only a little more than an hour away and still in the Netherlands. Of course they were very interested in an American about their age and I was bombarded with a series of questions about the Vietnam War, popular American music bands, the extermination of the American Indian population during the American expansion West and then on to religion. They were fascinated that I am Jewish, but no longer a believer. They asked my opinion of Jesus and I answered quite honestly that I had no opinion as I had never really thought about the man, or Savior (dependent on your personal perspective). Oh, they wanted to tell me all about Jesus and all He can do to improve the world and all that He might do to make me a happier and more content individual. I told them that unfortunately I don’t believe, so that it would be hard to just let Jesus into my life. They told me that I needed to “challenge” Jesus so that he could reveal Himself to me. So I said, “OK, I want Jesus to make the world a better place.” They all smiled and said, “No, make it personal so there is no doubt about Jesus’ power to touch your life.” I said OK, this might sound petty, but, “I want Jesus to send me a car after you drop me off that will take me right to Paris and I don’t want to wait more than 10 minutes for that car to come along.” They told me that is “great” and are confident that Jesus will hear my challenge. As we approached their exit, they implored me to come to the festival and learn more about Jesus from all those that will be attending. I politely declined, and then one individual wrote down his address made me promise to send him a note if Jesus answered my challenge. I agreed and got out of the van.

It was now a little after 11:00 AM and the road was still totally abandoned. Not a car in sight. I looked at my watch to begin the 10 minute countdown. After 5 minutes, there were still no cars to be seen. Suddenly, on the horizon a lone car is coming my way. At the 6 minute and 30 second mark of the countdown, the car pulls over and the driver asked where I was going and I said Paris and he said, “Get in, this is your lucky day.” I beat my friend to Notre Dame by an hour.

Well, 46 years later and I still consider myself an atheist, although an atheist with a slight bit of doubt of my convictions. I have thought about this incident several times and have come to the conclusion that for certain individuals or groups of people looking for “meaning” and a “higher purpose”, these “miraculous” events fit their narrative. For example…..it has not rained in many, many days, let’s pray to God for rain…..no rain today, let’s pray again tonight……no rain again, let’s pray again. Finally rain, it’s a miracle. Jesus answers our prayers. Let’s pray grandpop gets better. Grandpop is better, it’s a miracle. Let’s pray that a car comes along on a quiet Sunday morning on a major highway between two major cities during the pinnacle of the “hippy” and “hitchhiking” era and then claim that is a miracle that the car stopped to help out a fellow human being. It is easy to believe that the prayer was answered, but let’s say right after that I immediately prayed to find an envelope with thousands of dollars on the ground right in front of me. I doubt that would have happened and my prayers would not have been answered and I would again doubt religion. We need to pick a prayer that could possibly be answered.

In hindsight, my only regret is that I did not write to the group in the van and let them know that a car did come by within the 10 minute period and take me to Paris. I am pretty confident that I would have been able to deduce their conclusion.