H O W A R D S B E N D

Melania – Donald, have you been giving any thought to your resolutions for the New Year?

Donald – Not really.  I have everything I want and I do whatever I please.  I have people catering to my every need.  What should be my New Year’s resolution…to brush my teeth more often?

Melania – I am sure that there are somethings that you just have not gotten around to or things that you might do a little differently.

Donald – OK, I got one.  I would never again pay a broad that I have an affair with or a hooker that I spent a night with with a sum of $130,000 to keep her mouth shut.

Melania – Wow.  Does that mean you will not play around again?

Donald – I didn’t say that.  I mean, I just wouldn’t pay them again for their silence.  What a mess it got me in and the public does not even care how many affairs I have.

Melania – Any other resolutions?

Donald – I am going to spend more time with my kids.

Melania – Does that include Baron?

Donald – No.  I meant Ivanka.  I really need to spend more time with Ivanka.

Melania – Yea.  Poor girl misses her “Dad” time.  Any resolutions for the workplace?

Donald – I got an easy one…..I am going to fire Rudy Guilliani.  That guy gives me the creeps and I never know what the hell he is talking about.  He is an embarrassment even for me.

Melania – That sounds positive.  Anything else?

Donald – I am going to stop Tweeting.  It is too time consuming and it puts too much pressure on me to constantly be so articulate, powerful, charming and insightful…and it is a lot pressure to get all that spelling correct all the time…one little spelling mistake and the media is all over me.

Melania – Donald, why don’t you make New Year’s resolution that you might be able to keep.

Donald – OK, OK.  How about this.  I will stop badgering Hillary Clinton.  Might be time to give it up.  And I will try to stop attacking Obama.  He really is a good guy, but my base really gets a charge when I attack our first Muslim president who sold out to the Iranians with that treasonous peace treaty.  Might be hard to keep that resolution.

Melania –  How about your 2018 resolutions?  Have you kept them?  If not, maybe you should make these resolutions again for 2019.

Donald – Good idea.  I do have one thing that I have not been able to do in 2017 and 2018, that has really bugged me over the past two years but I am resolving to get it done in 2019.

Melania – Fire Mueller?

Donald – No.  I meant get a new golf cart for Mar-a-Lago, but I like your idea.  Why didn’t I think of that?