H O W A R D S B E N D

FBI Agent Peter Strzok, who exchanged 375 text messages with Department of Justice attorney Lisa Page that led to his removal from special counsel Robert Mueller’s probe into ties between the Trump campaign and the Kremlin’s efforts to interfere in the U.S. election last summer, photographed outside his home in Fairfax, Virginia on Wednesday, January 3, 2018. Credit: Ron Sachs / CNP (RESTRICTION: NO New York or New Jersey Newspapers or newspapers within a 75 mile radius of any part of New York, New York, including without limitation the New York Daily News, The New York Times, and Newsday.) Photo by: Ron Sachs/picture-alliance/dpa/AP Images

Peter – Lisa, do you have a few minutes to text?  Please.

Lisa – I am not in the mood.

Peter – What are you wearing?  Why don’t you slip into something  comfortable.

Lisa – Come on Peter, that train left the station,,,,

Peter – Watching Trump stumble about this whole weak, watching him double-talk and take back everything he said from the day before  has really turned me on and watching Stormy Daniels spank Trump is very hot…..

Lisa – I must admit it was disgusting watching Trump being lead around on a tight leash .

Peter – Lisa, please, stop teasing me.

Lisa – Trump should be punished for all his transgressions…..he is a very, very bad boy.

Peter – I been very bad, too.  I violated standards of impartiality for a FBI agent.  I linked classified information.  Don’t you think that I should be punished, too?

Lisa – Peter, Trump is about to sell us out to the Russians,

Peter – No. No he won’t, We’ll stop him

Lisa – Where did I hear that before?

Peter – Trump is a big, fat lying crook who selling oou our country.  We have to get together immediately to stop him.  Does Friday night work for you?

Lisa – This country is quickly going down the tubes.  I need something to hold on to?

Peter – I got something that you can hold to.  I would really like us to synchronize our movements so we can get the best outcome.

Lisa – OK Peter..  GTG.  Maybe we’ll text again soon.

Don J – Kimmy, what the hell are you doing?  Didn’t we have a great meeting a few weeks ago?   Didn’t I go in front of the entire world and tell everyone how great you are?  Didn’t I put North Korea back on the map.  Didn’t I treat you and your crony generals to a great dinner?  What are you doing to me?

Kim – What do you mean? You are my new best friend.

Don J – Then why are you insulting me, embarrassing me?  New satellite photos just taken show that you are doing new construction at the plant that manufactures missiles.  This all over the news.  How can you do this to your new friend?

Kim – Donny, you got it wrong.  Those construction vehicles are dismantling that manufacturing facility.  There is no construction.  You have my word.  Trust me.

Don J – OK.  OK.  Sounds legit.  Remember, Mike Pompeo is visiting you this week.  You got to give him some additional concessions.  I got the Russian investigation that just won’t quit.   We lost 2,500 kids.  I got an lawyer that is about to flip.  I need some good news out of the North Korea.

Kim – Hey Don, you promised to lift the sanctions, yet the world still will not trade with us.  You showed me a video where Pyonyang looks just like the beautiful San Francisco with many, many tall buildings and a basketball team .  Where is that 100 story Trump tower in downtown Pyongyang?  Where is the NBA team that you promised me?  You told me that the Golden State Warriors would become the Pyongyang Samurai.

Don J – Come on, I need some time.  I cannot even get Warriors to come to the White House and you want me to get them to re-locate to North Korea for next season.

Kim – You promised me normalized relations between our two countries.   You were going to have Disney call me about a new theme park ?  And, I thought that Pepsi, GM, Apple and Boeing would be calling me about their new plants coming to our country.   You want denuclearization, we want normalization.  I tell you what I will do.  I will dismantle a five missiles if you have Pompeo bring five new iPhone Xs.

Don J – OK.  OK. Not the complete denuclearization that I was hoping for, but a start of a process.  I am pretty sure that I can sell it to my base.  Start putting together your “wish” of things that you need in order to dismantle a few nuclear sites in the Fall.  I need this by October,  right before the 2018 mid-term elections.

Kim -Will do.  Hello to Melania and the kids.